When Mary-Jane Baker first walked through the doors of Mountbatten Hampshire, a rush of memories and emotions flooded in. Years before, she had come to this very hospice, a place she associated with finality, to visit her PhD supervisor as she died from cancer. Now, facing her own journey with the disease, Mary-Jane felt overwhelmed. “Hospice has always meant the end,” she admitted. “It was incredibly hard to step back in here, to see myself as a patient this time, to think, ‘I’m going to be the one here needing care.’ But right from the start, Phil made it clear I wasn’t alone in this.”

A retired nurse, midwife, university lecturer, wife and mother, Mary-Jane has always been the kind of person who looks after others, be it family, friends, or colleagues. For years, she filled her home with friends, cooked elaborate meals, and poured her heart into supporting those around her. But as her illness progressed, this role began to take its toll. She knew she couldn’t keep up the same pace, yet the instinct to care for others was deeply ingrained. “I realised that looking after myself had to come first, but it felt strange and selfish to think like that.”

After being referred to Mountbatten by her medical team, Mary-Jane met Phil, one of Mountbatten’s compassionate counsellors, whose empathy and perceptive nature helped her navigate this shift in focus. “He’s a remarkable person,” she shared with a smile. “He listens, but he also knows when to guide me back to what really matters. And for the first time, he gave me permission to put myself first.” She laughed, adding, “I thought, ‘I don’t know if I can do that!’ But he reminded me that I had a duty to myself.”

Their sessions were revelatory. Phil created a “safe, calm space” that Mary-Jane came to treasure. “He didn’t tell me what to do. He let me talk, and somehow, he’d bring me back to the points I really needed to address. In our first meeting, he asked about my family and friends, and without even realising it, I started sharing things I hadn’t put into words before. He saw through me in ways I didn’t expect—when I told him my husband was my best friend, he just nodded and said, ‘I figured that out already.’ It was like he could see what I felt but hadn’t said.”

Mary-Jane’s path has not been easy. In addition to regular oral chemotherapy and hormone therapy, she has been in and out of the acute unit three times, including a recent stay due to an infection. “When you’re dealing with a chronic illness, you start to realise that each day is a precious gift,” she reflected. Phil’s guidance helped her accept this reality without letting it cloud her life with dread. “He saved my life,” she said, simply. “Not in the sense of a doctor with a cure, but by helping me see a way forward that I hadn’t allowed myself to believe in.”

Learning to set boundaries was one of the hardest and most liberating changes in Mary-Jane’s life. She had always filled her days with visits from friends and gatherings at home, but her condition demanded a shift. “I’ve stopped inviting a stream of people over for dinner, and I’m more selective about how I spend my energy,” she explained. “It was a hard lesson to learn. But Phil helped me understand that preserving my health and peace isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.” Her daughters, aware of her new priorities, now come home to celebrate birthdays quietly with her. “When they chose to spend their birthday here rather than somewhere else, I knew we’d found a new kind of closeness,” she said, touched by the small, intimate moments that have become her greatest treasures.

Mountbatten’s holistic approach has been instrumental in helping Mary-Jane navigate not only the physical aspects of her illness but the emotional and spiritual facets as well. “It’s not just about the medication,” she emphasised. “They’ve taught me to look after myself in a way that goes beyond just managing symptoms. I’m more aware of what I need emotionally and spiritually.” With Mountbatten’s support, she has gradually come to accept her limitations and to find peace within them, rather than fighting against them.

Reflecting on the future, Mary-Jane knows there will be difficulties ahead. But she faces these challenges with a new sense of resilience and appreciation. “Every day is precious,” she reiterates. “I don’t know what’s coming, but I do know that I can face today, and today matters.” Mary-Jane’s journey has given her a profound perspective on life and death, a perspective she hopes will inspire others. “If sharing my story helps even one person face their journey with a little more strength, then it’s worth it.”

Mary-Jane remains immensely grateful to Mountbatten and Phil, in particular. “This place is more than a hospice—it’s a haven,” she said. “And Phil, he’s amazing. The service is incredible, the speed with which they help, the genuine care. I’m just so grateful.”

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